Anatomy of the… polearm?

AnatomyOfPolearmLogoEverything I’m about to say is wrong.
I will speak with an authoritative voice. Everything I talk about will be well researched and investigated. I will quote famous arms collectors and prattle about language origins. Yes, everything I say will sound right and true.
But it’s all a bunch of guff.
Why am I saying this?
Because there were no concrete delineations between different polearms. There were *attempted* delineations, sure. Lots of lineating was tried. And some polearms even fit into the proper categories. But there were too many different shapes and styles in the world of pole weapons. Some fit into multiple groups. Some didn’t fit into any. Some fit into one group, but were classified in a group they didn’t really belong in. God, this sounds like high school all over again.

Okay, so, I know that pole arms are not swords. And I know this series is titled “The Anatomy of the Sword.” But this branch of the arms tree is so convoluted, I thought it was worth including here. So that I could convolute it even more.

What is a polearm?
Pole arms (also known as pole arms (get used to the “also known” folks) are weapons mounted on a long pole. So, yes, a spear is considered a pole arm. Some axes can be considered polearms, and some pole arms can be considered axes. In fact, many polearms start with the premise of an axe-blade on a long staff, and then start accessorizing with spikes and hooks and hammers, and dead gophers. Some polarms are loaded, so that they look like Swiss Army knives on a stick. Which is interesting, since Swiss pikemen and halberdiers were some of the most feared polearm soldiers in history. The whole Swiss-Army-Knife quality is what makes pole weapons so hard to classify. There are so many variations, and the naming rules don’t seem to apply uniformly.

Rather than speak at length about the forms and styles, I thought it best to simply list some of the most popular polearms in history, and let you see how horribly confusing it the whole thing is.

PA_HalberdHALBERD(ish):
Ah! The glistening spine of the polearm family. A short axe blade on one side, a hooked spike on the other, and a deadly straight-spike at the top. Some halberds had a thorn on the hooked spike, to better tangle opponents (not to be confused with a guisarme, which is a thorn to better tangle opponents. Yeah, I know. It gets worse.). Some halberds had a thorn both on top and bottom of the hooked spike. Halberd blades were usually convex (curving outward for you dictionally challenged), but some had concave (figure it out) blades instead .
All in all, halberds were extremely versatile and looked really cool. So cool that the Pope himself adopted them for use by his personal Vatican Guard. The guards still use halberds today. I guess you don’t really need guns when your master is God’s BFF. The aforementioned Swiss soldiers of the 15th century used halberds to become some of the most feared warriors in history. They eventually switched to pikes (See below) for more efficiency in battles and better general dental hygiene, but it was the halberd that got them to the top of the warrior food chain.

GUISARME(ish):
Are you confused yet? If so, then abandon all hope, because it gets worse. Let’s get this next term out of the way, so we can have some false confidence when going into the next one. A guisarme is a thorn or hook or barb , if you will, that curves in the opposite direction of the main weapon blade on the head of the polearm. So, if you had an axe blade on one side of the staff, the guisarme would, typically, be on the backside of this blade. The curved hook on the halberd does not count as a guisarme. Why? Because it doesn’t. Don’t argue.

PA_Glaive

 

GLAIVE(ish):
A glaive is a staff with a long, spearfish sort of blade at the top. Except the spear blade long and curved and sharped along both edges. And the point isn’t really sharp. So, yeah, nothing like a spear at all. If you are into Japanese weapons, then you might recognize the similarity between the glaive and the naginata. Sometimes. To further confuse things, sometimes a guisarme was added to one side of a glaive, to better catch an opponent with. These were called glaive-guisarmes. Later-day glaives were fitted with long spikes on the top of the staff, for added stabiness, and these were called glaive-stabbies. (Editor’s note: No, they weren’t).

 

 

PA_Fauchard

 

FAUCHARD(ish):
Fauchards are basically glaives, but only one side of the blade is sharpened, which is awesome when you’re pressed up against a wall while fighting an opponent, or when you’re a character in a 2D video game. Not so awesome when you’re in a 3D blood-spattering, bowel-cleansing, honest-to-god battlefield. Fauchards often had guisarmes, like glaives, because someone thought it was better to have a hook on that side than another lethal edge. These type were called fauchard-guisarmes.

 

 

PA_Voulge

 

VOULGE(ish):
Take a meat cleaver, tie it onto a long broomstick. Congratulations. You have earned the Voulge trophy. Sometimes, voulge blades were really long, so that they looked less like cleaver blades and more like really thick spear blades that are sharpened on one side. Which reminds me of a certain weapon we discussed above. Yes, a voulge can look like a fauchard, but it’s never a fauchard, it’s a voulge. It just is. Sometimes, voulges had a hook or thorn on the backside, and this made it a voulge-guisarme.

 

 

PA_Pike

 

PIKE(ish):
Pike’s were spears. But they were really really long spears. Like, 10-20 feet long or longer. If you play D&D, you can’t bring a pike into the Temple of Elemental Evil. Pikes can’t be checked as baggage on planes, even as sporting equipment. Pikes have one purpose and one purpose only: To destroy infantry and drive back cavalry in battles. Okay, that’s two. Swiss mercenaries refined their battle prowess when they switched to the pike. So much so that the Germans copied them, forming the famous landsknecht warriors. The Germans eventually outdid the Swiss by coming up with the Zweihander sword—a ridiculous-looking two handed sword with saw teeth and barbs used for cutting pikes in half and leaving swiss mercenaries holding broomsticks.

 

PA_Poleax

 

POLEAXE(ish):
Also known as a poleax, which was also known as a pole axe, which sometimes was referred to as a pollax, or pollax, or Jackson Pollock. Poleaxes had small axe-blades on one end of the staff, and a hammer or spike on the back, and a blade or spike on top. How does this differ from a halberd? It just does, okay? Polaxes could deliver ridiculously powerful blows and were short enough to be carried by men-at-arms and archers alike.

 

 

 

PA_BecDeCorbin

 

BEC DE CORBIN(ish):
Translated from French, this can mean “Put the automobile in reverse because you’ve hit the garbage can,” or “Beak of the Crow.” This was basically a a hooked spike attached to a pole, with a war-hammer head on the opposite side and as pike on top. It is not to be confused with the Lucerne hammer, which is a hooked spike attached to a pole, with a pronged war-hammer on the opposite side and a spike on top. Except that sometimes the bec de corbin’s hammer head was also pronged. But even with the pronged hammer head, it was still a bec de corbin. Unless it was a Lucerne hammer. Don’t argue. Just accept it.

 

 

PA_Bardiche

 

BARDICHE(ish):
The bardiche is a long axe blade attached to a long pole. Bardiches were shorter than most poleaxes, rarely reaching a height of five feet. They were faster than their longer cousins, but still had enough weight to crush armor. Bardiches are not to be confused with the Scottish Lochaber axe, which is a long axe blade attached to a long pole. Yeah. I did try to warn you.

 

 

 

 

PA_Bill

 

BILL:
The superintendent at my apartment complex. Nice guy, but don’t get him drunk. Also, a European polearm that looks a bit like those hooked butter knives that your mom keeps in the back of the silverware drawer. The bill came from an old medieval farming implement used to cut crops. In fact, many polearms had their origins in farming tools. If you add a hook curving in the opposite direction to the bill’s curve what do you have? A bill-guisarme? Probably! Who knows? Do you know? I don’t really know.

 

 

PA_Ranseur

 

RANSEUR(ish):
A wide spear blade mounted on a long pole, with hooked wings at the base with which to parry. Not be confused as the Ranseur, which is a wide spear blade mounted on a long pole, with hooked wings at the base. You can tell them apart because the hooks on the ranseur are sharpened and used for attack as well as defense. Sometimes. Oh, and did I mention that both of them are very similar to a Spetum? Yeah. They are. Except the spetum hooks are longer and thinner.

 

So there you have it. A comprehensive study of polearms. Sort of.
I have joked a lot, but the reality is that these weapons had a lot of different names and styles, based on regional preferences. It’s not so strange, really. If you order a grinder in Arizona, they’ll look at you like you’re crazy. Order a Hoagie in Idaho? You’re liable to get punched. But a grinder and a hoagie and a subway and a big sandwich are all the same thing. Maybe slightly different from place to place, but still a sandwich. So it was with polearns.
Thanks for reading, and see you next time!

The Zombie Survival Manual — Part Three

ZombieSurvivalLogo We’ve come to the third section of our Zombie Survival Manual, where we discuss perhaps the most perfect medieval killing implements ever created. No, I’m not talking about rats with plague. I’m talking about axes and polearms. Countless medieval battles and skirmishes have been won with these implements, and if you find yourself in a zombie apocalypse, there’s not better tool to have in your hands (or their heads).

 

Axes and Polearms

ScourgeCover_New_250When we are armed and armored we remove the bar and yank the door open. Tristan holds the poleax high over his shoulder as I peer out into the hallway. I see Joseph, the reeve, shuffling toward us. The morning light reflects from his eyes and I see no whites. He snarls as he lumbers toward me. I back into the room and Tristan drives the spike of his poleax deep into Joseph’s skull. The reeve twitches, then topples awkwardly. Blood leaks from his shattered skull and pools swiftly across the floor.

We walk cautiously into the hallway. A woman –from the kitchen staff by the look of her apron – crouches by the open stairs feeding upon a man whom I can’t identify. She hisses, then stands and runs at us. Red boils pepper her face and neck. I hold my sword in two hands and swing sideways, opening her throat and spraying the hallway with blood. She tumbles to the ground. Her head bounces and rolls along the wooden floor until it comes to rest against a wall.

“You fool,” Tristan’s smile has returned. “Who’s going to cook now? You need to think things through more carefully.”

I peer over the carved wood railing, down to the foyer, and see blood smeared across the floor. Someone screams in the distance.

– From THE SCOURGE by Roberto Calas

Axe

Axe “body spray” meant spattering blood in the Middle Ages.

I’d like to start by pointing out here an important distinction brought up by Strongblade fan, George Massie. When I’m tapping away at my keyboard, imparting this vital information about the upcoming zombie apocalypse, I am speaking about well-built, tempered-steel items. Please refrain from using stainless steel swords or axes. If the words “Made in China” are stamped anywhere on the product, there is a good chance that it will be useless against the undead (although it might look really cool in your hands)(but remember, drooling and shuffling isn’t cool at all). By all means buy stainless steel to display proudly in your home. But you don’t want to be this guy when the hungry dead rise. Thanks for the reminder, George!

I may have alluded to the fact that a zombie apocalypse is very similar to war in the late Middle Ages. Combat against armored opponents was all about penetration power and speed (which reminds me of something my girlfriend once said, but that’s material for another post). Soldiers relied on weapons that could unleash tremendous amounts of force. They had to, because heavy armor stopped all but the most powerful of blows. Swords were a rarity on the battlefield. So what did they use? Well, four out of five warriors prefer the fresh, minty striking power of axes. And the fourth warrior preferred to run away.

Of all the axes and polearms on the medieval battlefield, there was probably none more effective than . . .

 

Poleax

Most polaxes had hammers on the back, but that steel thorn would do just fine.

The Polaxe:
Advantages
: Fast, powerful, light, versatile, capable of cutting or crushing.
Disadvantages: None.

Ever heard of Agincourt? A miraculous battle where heavily outnumbered English soldiers defeated a French army. Two weapons were responsible for the victory: The longbow and the polaxe. We’ll discuss the longbow next time. Because I want to focus on the finest killing weapon ever created. The polax is a the swiss-army-knife of combat. Zombies coming at you from the left? Use the axe blade to prune them back. Zombies on the right? The hammer-head will turn them to mulch. Zombies dead ahead? Ventilate them with the jutting spike on top. It’s killing in 3D! And the zombies don’t even need special glasses! Every move you make with a polaxe kills something. It’s death incarnate.

I would normally take a moment here to mention weaknesses, but there are none. The polaxe has great reach but can still be used at close range. It is durable and strong, but light enough for extended combat. Eric Schweighauser posted on our Facebook page that he would pick a poleax against the hungry dead, and I’m with him.

If you are at all serious about the zombie apocalypse (and face it, who isn’t these days?) then go out and get yourself one of these. No, get three. Or four. Because when money is no longer valid, the new currency will be polaxes. Yeah. They’re that good.

Other useful weapons?

Tomahawk2

The Tomahawk: A real coup in the zombie apocalypse.

The Tomahawk:
Advantages
: Fast, ranged, decent penetration power, light.
Disadvantages: Slow to remove after a strike

Okay, not exactly medieval, but certainly historical. Micheal Koselke mentioned these on our Facebook page, and he’s absolutely right. These are brilliant. In terms of all-around efficiency, it’s hard to beat the tomahawk axe. Again, let’s get our definition straight: I’m not talking about the stone-headed weapons created by Native Americans. I’m talking about the steel-head versions crafted by the English. These metal versions were basically modified naval boarding-axes that settlers traded to the Native Americans. Which is odd, since some of those traded axes were no doubt used to kill settlers. But I digress.

The tomahawk was used by Native Americans and settlers alike. They were an invaluable tool for skinning, gutting and for personal defense. They can be thrown with a lethal accuracy, and can penetrate a skull on a solid hit. And some of them have smoking pipes on the side opposite the axe blade. How awesome is that? Take down a few zombies, then toke up with your bedraggled band of bloody and traumatized survivors.

As I mentioned above, tomahawks can also be thrown, which is way-high on the coolness factor. But unless you have a large supply of axes, the last thing you want to do is throw them away.

Disadvantages? Tomahawks don’t have the penetration power of polaxes. To get through a skull, you need to swing hard. And those of you who passed the bar know that the laws of physics aren’t kind to narrow weapons striking a skull. The blade becomes wedged, and removing a wedged blade takes precious seconds. And there are no time-outs in a zombie apocalypse.

Halberd

Halberds: The perfect weapons. Until they’re not.

Halberd:
Advantages
: Excellent combat range, versatility, great penetration power.
Disadvantages: Relatively slow, Loses effectiveness at very close range

And when I say halberd, I mean all of the long-hafted pole weapons except the poleax. That includes but is not limited to: The Bardiche, bill, fauchard, ranseur, war scythe, glaive, guisarme, spontoon, pike, and sharpened pole vaulting poles. Each of these weapons has its own particular strengths and weaknesses (except the pole vaulting pole, which has only weaknesses and is a spectacularly bad idea). But all of these weapons share the same basic characteristics: a long pole with a killing doo-hickey on one end. This doo-hickey can be an axe head, a spike, a hook, or all of the above. Unlike the poleax, these polearms are always very long. They were used to keep enemy armies at a distance, mostly so that gunners could fire into their ranks with impunity. But poelarms were also lethal in their own right. Swinging a long staff generates a lot of momentum. In fact, if we calculate the strength of a halberd swing, using Rotational Kinetic Energy (KER = .5Iω^2 and I = mr^2), and we add Angular Momentum (L = Iω) and throw in Centripetal Acceleration (Ac = ω^2r or v^2/r) just for the hell of it, we come up with the following equation: Halberd + Swinging Really Hard = Horrible+Torturous+Death.

Polearms are also quite good for forcibly removing horsemen from the saddle, but unless you get the vary rare “Mounted Zombie Apocalypse” that particular advantage won’t be an advantage at all.

There are other problems with these types of pole weapons. Polearms were typically used in ranks. That means, to be fully effective, everyone in your survivor party should have one, and you should keep riflemen behind you to thin out the herd. But a single halberdier can be flanked easily. And when you get flanked by zombies, your shiny halberd will be about as effective as that sharpened pole vaulting stick.

 

And, like always, I have data to back up my confident analysis. Feast your eyes on the Axe and Polearm Effectiveness Chart:

AxeEffectivenessChart

See you next week when we talk about ranged weapons!